So many different topics in here, Monique, and yet all connected. I had no idea Greek Comedy had any connection to modern romance concepts! I’ve always been a romantic and done my best to preserve that feeling, despite our culture. Both rationality and romance need to return to male/female relationships. The hostility and hysteria can be traced to family law, financial crisises, 3rd/4th wave feminism’s flirtation with socialism, and “me too”; so there is a way to tangibly address the problem, and I’m hopeful that will begin to happen.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from working in politics, it’s that we’re all hypocrites, ideas at some point have to bend to reality, otherwise there is just stagnation. Humility is necessary.
The stuff about consent really has shaken me, because I never had any issues pre2020. The shift to legalism instead of conscience based decisions has been striking, and cruel. I’m really of the opinion that Me Too made things worse for women, not better. That it lowered the bar for “consent” instead of raising it.
I'm still learning, so I could be wrong - but my understanding is that a lot of how we structure romance, particularly the stories we tell about love and the obstacles that must be overcome, are heavily influenced by the structure and conventions of Greek Comedy. I'm really excited about this research project and can't wait to share more as I learn.
I love that you pointed out both rationality and romance - it's so easy to disregard one or the other, but both are so beautiful and powerful in the ways we engage with our relationships and experience life. I do hope we see a strong push to return to both these. I had not considered how financial crisises would tie into this narrative but I am very intrigued. How do you see that playing into our current male/female relational climate?
The whole consent thing, paired with the "side with victims" before we even identify who the victim is has borne terrible consequences. It's heartbreaking, all around.
I was glancing at your newsletter - I'm very intrigued but what you have going on over there. I look forward to reading!
Thanks Monique, trying to dance around all the NDAs I’ve signed has been a headache, but I hope to keep delivering culturally substantive things from the campaign trail.
Part of me wonders if “me too” just made all men feel guilty, so they started embodying what women were saying they were? It’s turned dating upside down completely. I’m an elder millennial and none of the post 2020 stuff is normal.
It might be my age that causes me to focus in on that, but I believe the first domino to fall was when my peers graduated college and ended up having to work at Starbucks. The girls didn’t take as big of a hit psychologically because we don’t define ourselves by career… but men do. So guys kinda pulled back, took advantage of the sexualized culture, and wouldn’t consider getting married. It’s not an exaggeration that some of my friends waited 10 years for a proposal. I’m sure somebody has done studies on the crisis back then and marriages. The manosphere gets wrong *why* Millennial women have worked so much. And they’re mean to all of us, some of the comments I’ve gotten in person have lead me to tears *during* the work day.
I can’t imagine working around NDA’s, there’s that added layer of legal concern to the question of privacy and that would be hard to navigate. Kuddos to you for tackling the challenge head on!
Gosh, I wish I knew. I’ve saved probably close to a hundred posts - written by both women and men - on the whole gender relations conundrum and it’s crazy how many opinions there are on how we ended up where we are and how we get out of here. The Me Too aspect makes sense, I definitely think that narratives such calling for all men to take responsibility for the violence of a relatively small percentage of men is only going to make things worse. A man needs to be able to define himself by his own actions and be respected or condemned accordingly. Just as we woman ought to be.
I’m so sorry and genuinely angry that these men have been so cruel with their words and postures. I can’t imagine working with that kind of mean spiritedness. Stephen Bradford Long of Sacred Tension wrote a really good post on Good Men and the idea of men cultivating virtue - I think his perspective has made the most sense to me, he explores masculinity in all its complexity and allows for the darker parts to exist while calling for virtue and integrity and challenging perceptions and accepted norms. Lots of good posts - I don’t agree with everything, but then does anyone fully agree with another?
So many different topics in here, Monique, and yet all connected. I had no idea Greek Comedy had any connection to modern romance concepts! I’ve always been a romantic and done my best to preserve that feeling, despite our culture. Both rationality and romance need to return to male/female relationships. The hostility and hysteria can be traced to family law, financial crisises, 3rd/4th wave feminism’s flirtation with socialism, and “me too”; so there is a way to tangibly address the problem, and I’m hopeful that will begin to happen.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from working in politics, it’s that we’re all hypocrites, ideas at some point have to bend to reality, otherwise there is just stagnation. Humility is necessary.
The stuff about consent really has shaken me, because I never had any issues pre2020. The shift to legalism instead of conscience based decisions has been striking, and cruel. I’m really of the opinion that Me Too made things worse for women, not better. That it lowered the bar for “consent” instead of raising it.
I'm still learning, so I could be wrong - but my understanding is that a lot of how we structure romance, particularly the stories we tell about love and the obstacles that must be overcome, are heavily influenced by the structure and conventions of Greek Comedy. I'm really excited about this research project and can't wait to share more as I learn.
I love that you pointed out both rationality and romance - it's so easy to disregard one or the other, but both are so beautiful and powerful in the ways we engage with our relationships and experience life. I do hope we see a strong push to return to both these. I had not considered how financial crisises would tie into this narrative but I am very intrigued. How do you see that playing into our current male/female relational climate?
The whole consent thing, paired with the "side with victims" before we even identify who the victim is has borne terrible consequences. It's heartbreaking, all around.
I was glancing at your newsletter - I'm very intrigued but what you have going on over there. I look forward to reading!
Thanks Monique, trying to dance around all the NDAs I’ve signed has been a headache, but I hope to keep delivering culturally substantive things from the campaign trail.
Part of me wonders if “me too” just made all men feel guilty, so they started embodying what women were saying they were? It’s turned dating upside down completely. I’m an elder millennial and none of the post 2020 stuff is normal.
It might be my age that causes me to focus in on that, but I believe the first domino to fall was when my peers graduated college and ended up having to work at Starbucks. The girls didn’t take as big of a hit psychologically because we don’t define ourselves by career… but men do. So guys kinda pulled back, took advantage of the sexualized culture, and wouldn’t consider getting married. It’s not an exaggeration that some of my friends waited 10 years for a proposal. I’m sure somebody has done studies on the crisis back then and marriages. The manosphere gets wrong *why* Millennial women have worked so much. And they’re mean to all of us, some of the comments I’ve gotten in person have lead me to tears *during* the work day.
I can’t imagine working around NDA’s, there’s that added layer of legal concern to the question of privacy and that would be hard to navigate. Kuddos to you for tackling the challenge head on!
Gosh, I wish I knew. I’ve saved probably close to a hundred posts - written by both women and men - on the whole gender relations conundrum and it’s crazy how many opinions there are on how we ended up where we are and how we get out of here. The Me Too aspect makes sense, I definitely think that narratives such calling for all men to take responsibility for the violence of a relatively small percentage of men is only going to make things worse. A man needs to be able to define himself by his own actions and be respected or condemned accordingly. Just as we woman ought to be.
I’m so sorry and genuinely angry that these men have been so cruel with their words and postures. I can’t imagine working with that kind of mean spiritedness. Stephen Bradford Long of Sacred Tension wrote a really good post on Good Men and the idea of men cultivating virtue - I think his perspective has made the most sense to me, he explores masculinity in all its complexity and allows for the darker parts to exist while calling for virtue and integrity and challenging perceptions and accepted norms. Lots of good posts - I don’t agree with everything, but then does anyone fully agree with another?
This was extremely interesting, Monique! I look forward to diving into the articles you mentioned later this evening. (And your future installments 😉)
I’m glad to hear it! Hopefully they prove to be worth your while!